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Can This Relationship Be Helped?
I have been counseling couples for 35 years. Quite often individuals come in for help wondering if it is really possible to save or improve their relationship. Perhaps their partner is totally uninterested in working on the relationship. Perhaps...
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22 Fun Things To Do With Your Dozen Rose Gift
Your dozen rose gift doesn't only have to decorate your favorite room. Roses are about romance and enjoying the moment they are given and received. I've discovered some fun ways to use roses to create a stimulating day or night. So read...
Time Management And How It Affects Your Kids
Last week I attended a presentation from Parenting Expert and well-known author, Stephen Biddulph on "Raising Boys". As I have an 11 year old son, I was interested to hear what Stephen had to say. In fact, so were the other 800 other parents in...
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Sparrow or Peacock?: Understanding Your Relationship with Your Stuff
Maybe it's just a weird week. Three times in the past three days, I've bumped into someone I know and
started a conversation with, "Hey, how ARE you?"
Nothing unusual about that. But the responses were all discussions of problems with STUFF....
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How Do We Know When A Relationship Has A Future?
So when we do meet someone new, how do we know when a bright future is on the horizon? Furthermore, if we think we have it, how do we really know?
In many instances, we all are “gun shy” after a short-or long-term relationship, because being hurt or feeling bad is not anoption.
This stinging feeling tends to guide us as we clamor forsomething new or fresh. It’s as if the bricks and mortar aresuddenly out and there is a new fortress built convenientlyaround your heart.
So when we do meet someone new, how do we know when a bright future is on the horizon? Furthermore, if we thinkwe have it, how do we really know?
The heart can be deceptive and initially in a relationship, itcan be very lustful swaying the mind to a sort of naturalhigh. This period is just that, a period that both people gothrough that intentionally attempts to highlight yourpositives and suppress your negatives towards theperspective mate.
We all want to put our best foot forward in any givensituation whether it’s landing a special mate or a good job.However, when your worst foot inevitably takes place ofyour best one is when the real test commences.
In order to properly judge another, one must be able toaccept judging themselves!
None of us are perfect and everyone has flaws, but to whatdegree can we accept them not only in others, butourselves?
If we all received a piece of paper with a large T on it, andon either side it listed the pros and cons as the averageperson would perceive positives and negatives, we wouldmost certainly have a “leg up” in the filtering mode.
Most everyone filters through specific traits and qualitieswhen dating anyone to gauge compatibility and get a betterhandle on their odds. So when your filter gets clogged upafter a certain amount of time with their “personalluggage” as most call it, then it’s time to move on, right?
Well, that depends on you obviously....
These negative aspects usually are not revealed until sometype of commitment has been agreed upon by both people. Then, the facade and veneer of “look, I have so manypositives and I’m so fun and cool to be around”, evaporatesand real life sets in.
It’s a deal; or it’s deal breaker time.....
When all the chips have fallen and the proverbialprobationary period of lustful highs comes to an screechingend; a couple
is left with what they should have came intothe relationship with in the first place.........themselves!
An assessment of sorts or a comprehensive evaluation isundertaken in some segregated part of your mind and theconversation is as follows:
“Is this man or woman worth my time? Are we going tomake each other better for being with each other, or doeshe or she make me feel something I have never felt before?”If it’s not the exact internal questions, they certainly are notfar off.
If our intentions are truly built on a “good heartedfoundation” then not hiding the truth about ourselves whenmeeting others is a simple task. We can love who we areinside and then proceed to market that love so someoneelse can enjoy it.
However, we hide and not reveal what we know are ournegatives without working internally on them beforeproceeding into another relationship, where we can injectthem all over again. If we ironed out our problems beforedelving full fledged into another committed relationship,then we wouldn’t have to “put our best foot forwardbecause we would have both feet already firmly on theground.”
It all starts with you and taking personal accountability foryour own heart and what you truly seek in a perspectivemate.
False impressions of all positives about yourself put adishonest spin into a relationship from the get go and pointit for a tenuous at best, future.
When you get to know yourself inside and out and whatyou truly want from a relationship is when you will know ifa relationship has a future or not.
Work on eliminating your negative personality traits beforeever pursuing a committed relationship. Then attempt toefficiently read your perspective mate's honest intentionsbefore you invest too much time. If done correctly, youwill have increased your odds exponentially for a long termrelationship and stacked them confidently in your favor.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Brian Maloney-ValuePrep.com
Want to improve your personal values?
Get high-quality-relationship advice from a 'Logical' standpoint.
Visit http://valueprep.com
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